La Satira News Service
The Future Wiltshire Economic Development Corporation met this week and approved a plan to upgrade the convention center in Salisbury Wood, replacing the degraded wood structures with pillars of bluestone from the Preseli Hills, near the west coast.
“We believe this plan will really put this part of the countryside on the map,” said Corporation President Kenver ap Gowan.
The plan was not without its controversial side. “If we’re going to build a convention center, at least we ought to build one with a roof,” said Talan ap Runan. “So we’re going to have a ring of bluestones. Whoop-de-do. If people want to see bluestones, why wouldn’t they just go to the Preseli Hills instead, where they can see them in their native habitat, as it were?”
Several speakers during the public input phase of the meeting objected to the project over the existence of a burial ground in the area. Mr. ap Gowan remained unconvinced. “We feel this plan will show utmost respect to any remains in the area,” he said. “After all, as long as people are in town for the conventions, they can pay their respects to their ancestors at the same time.”
In a similar vein, Corporation member Gerens ap Trevelyan, a long-time opponent of Mr. ap Gowan’s, brought into question the need for this project in the first place. “There’s a perfectly serviceable convention center not too far away, over at Avebury,” he said. ” It would be redundant to have one here as well.” Mr. ap Trevelyan went on to suggest that the only reason the project was being seriously considered was its ability to provide income for the Sacred Order of Cement-Mixers, who would be contracted to perform the majority of the work. Mr. ap Gowan has been accused of being a member of the secretive society.
“Certainly there’s a convention center at Avebury,” said Mr. ap Gowan in response. “But that’s the point: it’s over in Avebury. We want people to come here.” Mr. ap Gowen then indicated that the Corporation’s executive had already tentatively booked its first convention: an international gathering of astonomers. “We’ve even included a few design features specifically to reflect this auspicious occasion,” Mr. ap Gowan said.
The Corporation passed the plan to build the center by a margin of 4-1.
Entries in the Stonehenge Saga:
- Future Wiltshire Council Approves Convention Center in Salisbury Wood (this one)
- Salisbury Wood Convention Center Cancelled Over Budget Concerns
- Historical Society Irate Over Monument Rebuild