La Satira News Service
The Province of Newfoundland and Labrador finds itself the plaintiff in a curious case going before the Supreme Court of Canada/Cour suprême du Canada this week that may change the way world sees the province–or at least half of it.
At issue is the name “Newfoundland,” which the Canadian Society for Truth in Advertising/Société canadienne de vérité dans la publicité, which suggests that the name is misleading. “It isn’t newfound land, is it?” said Jacques Smith, the lead attorney for the Society. “Europeans have known about the place for a thousand years, if you admit the Viking claim. Europeans have been aware of this place longer than anywhere else in the Americas. And of course the aboriginal population has known about the place for maybe ten thousand years.”
The Society/Société has filed a truth-in-advertising suit against the province with the goal of changing the name. “We’re not too particular,” said Mr. Smith. “Even Relativelynewfoundland might be an adequate description, since it was new at some point, at least to the Vikings. Perhaps we should call it ‘Tiltöluleganýfannlandið.'”
Representatives of the province declined to answer specific questions about the suit. “This suit is drawing off vital government resources that could be much better used to serve the people of Newfoundland and Labrador,” said one unnamed spokesman, “to say nothing of wasting the time of the Supreme Court/Cour suprême. The most astonishing thing about this situation is that such a frivolous suit has made it so far.”
The decision made by the Supreme Court/Cour suprême this week may also determine the fate of a separate suit by the Maritime Grammar Police/Police de grammaire Maritime, who are seeking to have the province renamed “Newlyfoundland and Labrador.”