La Satira News Service
The demise of Hostess, the confectioner responsible for manufacturing and selling snack cakes such as Twinkies and Ding Dongs, is causing unexpected repercussions across the country, and even as far away as the North Pole. Sources indicate that abrupt termination of the “Ho Ho” brand of snack cakes is driving a re-write of one of the traditional rallying cries of the Christmas season.
“It’s left a Ho-Ho-Hole in the very middle of our schedule,” said Laeg Ollas, Santa’s Head Writer. “Every year prior to this, the rallying cry has been ‘Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas. But how can we carry on in the absence of Ho Hos? Just saying ‘Merry Christmas’ seems terribly generic.”
“Saying ‘Swiss Roll, Merry Christmas!’ is hardly an improvement,” Mr. Ollas added. “Or, for that matter, ‘Shovel, shovel, shovel, Merry Christmas.'”
The North Pole is reportedly scheduling discussions with the Green Giant to compare notes on the situation. These discussions are part of a protocol developed decades ago to address issues arising from their joint use of the phrase “Ho Ho Ho.”
Need something to make you go Ho, Ho, Ho? Try out these Christmas-themed items from our News Flash Series: