La Satira News Service
When most people think of political debates these days, they envision a variable number of candidates trying to upstage each other by saying as much as possible without including anything they can’t backpedal from later on.
That’s what the candidates in the race for California’s 67th Congressional District thought, too. And they didn’t like it.
“There’s no serious discussion that goes on in debates these days,” said Republicratic incumbent Gareth Owen. “These days it’s all about appearance and circumlocution, and hoping that your opponent flubs up worse than you do.”
His Demoblican challenger, Boris O’Malley, agrees. “Most people who care about the race already know how they’re going to vote, and the ones who don’t know aren’t going to be swayed much by watching two adults bickering like children.”
So in a rare display of bipartisianship, the two candidates developed a compromise plan. Instead of the standard format, the scheduled debate will consist of a medieval-style jousting match. The two candidates, mounted on horses, will ride toward (and past) each other on opposite sides of a tilt barrier while touting their political views through megaphones to anyone who can hear them. As a safety precaution, lances will not be allowed, and the candidates must wear safety helmets. The match will continue until one candidate or the other falls off his horse.
Reaction to the plan has been mixed, though generally positive.
“I think it’s a completely silly idea,” said Ira Berg, one member of the local electorate. “On the other hand, it’s not that much sillier than anything else that’s come out of politics lately.”
“At least it’s novel,” said Gertrude Escobar, another resident. “It’s certainly more entertaining than the usual debates, and about as informative.”
Local party leaders are said to be excited by this fresh approach to politics. If the new debate format proves to be as popular as preliminary polls suggest, the parties are planning to follow up with Alice in Wonderland-style Caucus Races starting in January.