Police have arrested a suspect in a case of identity theft that last month ensnared an innocent teapot. Sources have identified the suspect as a Mr. T. Kettle, a citizen of the Utensia district in the Land of Oz. Mr. Kettle is accused of impersonating the teapot in several legal documents, on two job applications, and in a famous song.
“He seemed to have all the appropriate credentials,” said Officer P. G. “Earl” Grey, who cracked the case. “He had the handle, he had the spout. But like so many other criminals, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He got all steamed up and started to shout–and that’s when somebody tipped us off. Because of course genuine teapots don’t whistle: they only receive water that’s already been heated.”
Authorities remain uncertain how many innocent teapots have been thus impersonated…or, indeed, what Mr. Kettle expected to gain from all this. Mr. Kettle is scheduled to be deported back to Oz at the beginning of the next tornado season.
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