Reports out of Brussels this week are corroborating rumors that world-famous journalist and adventurer Tintin has been fired from his newspaper.
Hercule Furet, editor of the newspaper that was employing Tintin, confirmed the news. “It is with the greatest regret that we take this step, but it has become inevitable,” he said when asked for comment. “While we have been extremely honored to have Tintin on our staff, the fact remains that he hasn’t contributed a single article in over sixty years.”
While Tintin himself could not be reached for comment on the matter, long-time friend and confidant Captain Haddock said, after a long string of obscure invective, “Those certified diplodocuses must be crazy to be giving him the boot now, after all this time. Look at all the good he’s done over the years: the crimes he’s solved or prevented, the lives he’s saved, at great personal risk.”
While not disputing Tintin’s bravery or heroism, M. Furet pointed out that these were not the issue. “We, too, have enjoyed reading about his adventures, but our enjoyment has been tempered by the fact that we always seemed to be reading about them in someone else’s paper. The only report we get from the field is the occasional expense report. It wouldn’t be so bad if we at least got some name recognition for the paper.”
Detectives Thompson and Thomson also offered an opinion. “It’s an outrage that this is happening to our courageous friend,” said Thompson. “To be precise,” Thomson added, “We’re outrageous.”
Media analyst Jacques Chou suggested the case highlighted a long-standing debate in the field of journalism: the problems that arise when the journalist goes beyond reporting the story and instead becomes the story. “It’s a common conflict,” said M. Chou. “Most young journalists want to get out in the field and make a difference, and maybe become famous along the way. The notion of sticking to strict observation and reporting, and letting someone else fix the problems they’ve highlighted, is sometimes a little hard.
“On the other hand, you don’t want journalists to become so callous that they stand by and film someone dying when a bit of CPR could save a life. It’s a balancing act. But if the newspaper is paying the bills, they deserve to get at least the occasional story. It’s not like Tintin spends all his time gallivanting around the world.”
Asked to comment on the matter, noted scholar Cuthbert Calculus replied, “No, I don’t think Tintin is getting fatter. And it’s very impertinent of you to suggest he is.”
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