The Bandwagon Society has declared November 31st as the first National Care-About-Everything Day.
In a press release announcing the event, Society president Kelpie Berger-Picard describes the day as “a time to celebrate all those worthy causes that foist themselves on our attention and expect our unflinching support.”
“At the Bandwagon Society,” Ms. Berger-Picard said at a press conference, “we believe that people ought to care–and not just about their own pet causes. We’re very egalitarian here: we believe everyone ought to care about everything.”
Asked about the logistical difficulties inherent in maintaining a fervent interest in every possible cause on the face of the planet, including the mutually-exclusive ones, Ms. Berger-Picard demurred. “When you’ve worked around worthy causes as long as I have,” Ms. Berger-Picard said, “you find it’s just impossible to care too much.”
Ms. Berger-Picard has been busy lobbying Congress for formal recognition of the day, but her efforts so far have been met with ambivalence.
Other organizers have been working on a token or emblem that participants can wear on the day to demonstrate their superior level of caring. Attempts to blend all the theme colors claimed by different lobbying groups were unsuccessful; unauthorized sources have mentioned the word “vomit,” but it is not known if this was a description or a reaction. “It was deeply disappointing. We couldn’t get any clothing manufacturer on the planet to make something in that color,” admitted Ms. Berger-Picard in a private interview. “Even the ribbon-makers turned up their noses.”
“So right now the emblem we’ve come up with is wool,” Ms. Berger-Picard said. “If you want to join with us in really showing how much you care, you need to wear wool on November 31st. It just seems right somehow.”
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