One of the biggest challenges in selling a house is trying to find the words that provide an accurate description of the property while emphasizing its good points and minimizing its bad points. Conversely, one of the biggest challenges in buying a house is getting through the advertisements to figure out what a property is really like.
The fact that people who are buying a house in one location may at the same time be selling a house somewhere else, and therefore know all the marketing doublespeak, makes it that much harder for the seller.
To test your skills at understanding the real-estate dialect of the Marketingian language, as well as your knowledge of Middle-earth, I’ve included ten descriptions of properties that by the end of The Lord of the Rings are either vacant or might be going on the market soon. It’s up to you to penetrate the verbiage and identify which property matches the following descriptions:
(Warning: Possible spoilers!)
1. Riverfront Property in Historic District! A little TLC will turn this property into a handy place for retirement or weekend getaways–close to the city, but not that close. A must for those interested in history, as archaeological sites abound nearby. As-is.
2. Build your dream-home on hilltop site in shady eastern Wilderland. Lot features plenty of mature trees. Stunning view of Anduin valley. Lumber on-site. Did we mention the trees?
3. Love to be beside the seaside? This well-tended coastal property has had only one owner in last 6,000 years. Property includes cozy workshop and ship-building facility.
4. Mountaintop Retreat features convenient access to nearby areas and overlooks natural splendor. Enough space to host a small army. Security features. Unique local wildlife which you won’t want to overlook.
5. Newly-renovated home in area with very active neighborhood watch features uniquely durable exterior that defies the elements. Fresh landscaping work guaranteed to remain green and growing for a long time. Interesting knick-knacks stay with the property.
6. Scenic and secluded! Vacant lot awaits new construction in secluded valley, complete with mountain stream and unusual flora. One visit and this will become one of your favorite haunts.
7. If you love the outdoors, this one’s for you! Large, well-maintained multi-storey house in greenbelt area with mature trees is move-in ready. Features the ultimate in “green” building standards.
8. Astonishing vista! Recently-cleared site with commanding perspective of rugged scenery and plenty of open space. Quiet neighborhood. Room for a very deep basement. Nearby geothermal feature can be used to help reduce heating bills. Check volcano insurance requirements.
9. Large but cozy estate in foothills of Misty Mountains makes a wonderful retreat–you’ll feel you’re at home and on holiday at the same time. Security features. Plenty of room for lots of guests or large family.
10. Unlimited Storage Space! Surprising location in scenic Misty Mountains features plenty of elbow room. Security features included. Some rooms have skylights. West side of property includes stocked pond; east side also scenic. As-is. Buyer must verify dimensions.
And now the properties:
- A. Barad-dur
- B. Caras Galadhon
- C. Cirith Ungol
- D. Dol Guldur
- E. The Grey Havens
- F. Minas
- G. Moria
- H. Osgiliath
- I. Orthanc
- J. Rivendell
And just so there’s a distinct visual break between the questions and the answers, let me take this opportunity to mention that I am not at all connected with the Tolkien estate or the people making the movies…and also to plug my JRR Tolkien Minor Character Quiz, which you also might enjoy.
Okay, here are the answers:
1-H. 2-D. 3-E. 4-C. 5-I. 6-F. 7-B. 8-A. 9-J. 10-G.