La Satira News Service
Software giant Macrohardt announced today that it was exiting the retail grocery business citing several months of dismal returns.
Macrohardt opened its EulaMart grocery chain last year in a blaze of publicity claiming the new stores would make grocery shopping as easy as going online.
“We are looking to make grocery shopping easy and even fun,” said project manager Ernest Nutter upon the chain’s launch. “It ought to be as simple as an online game. Of course you’ll get more exercise at EulaMart.”
The stores received mixed reviews on selection and price, but generally negative reviews overall.
“It doesn’t surprise me that they’re going out of business,” said shopper Claudia Fritz. “The prices are okay, but shopping here isn’t necessarily the best experience. I mean, making you sign a license agreement just to get in the door? Really?”
Asked recently about the pages-long license agreement customers are required to sign upon entering the store, Mr. Nutter, the project manager, minimized the inconvenience. “In this litigious society, you can’t be too careful,” he said. “Even in the world of electronic publishing you need a paper trail. It only makes sense to ensure everyone understands what their rights and responsibilities are, and where the different grocery items can be found. And we only make them sign one the first time they come in. And when we remodel. And if the customer moves. And if we open a new location.”
EulaMart stores have presented other challenges to the casual customer.
“Just try getting customer service,” sniffed shopper Erik Red. “The staff can only provide the most basic of answers to the most basic of questions. Anything beyond that and you have to call a help-line. And then at the check-out. We’re there in person. They’ve got our credit card, and our photo-id: do they really need to make us answer a ‘CAPTCHA’?” he asked, referring to the software tool used to prevent certain types of computer attacks.
Macrohardt may begin shuttering the EulaMart stores at the company’s discretion, without notice to the customers.
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