Tragedy struck the Five Pennants Amusement Park on Elfrank-Baum Road this afternoon when a passenger on the park’s flume ride perished in a freak mishap.
Authorities have identified the hapless tourist as the Wicked Witch of the West-South-West. Ms. West-South-West was on her first visit to the park, having arrived in town the previous day from her home country, Oz.
The ride, in which passengers ride on a mechanical train around a set course before dropping into a pool of water, appeared to be working properly but was closed for the rest of the day pending an examination by the safety authorities. Witnesses suggested that Ms. West-South-West had had some sort of medical reaction.
“Of course, lots of people scream on a flume ride,” said Margaret Burke, who was in the seat immediately in front of Ms. West-South-West, “but as we plunged down that slope, it did seem like she was screaming a little bit louder than most. Then we hit the water, and she suddenly called out something like, ‘I’m melting, I’m melting!’ Then when we stopped to get off, I looked back, and all that was left was her clothes and a little pool of green slime.”
“This was clearly an accident waiting to happen,” claimed Nikko Lodeon, spokesbeing for the law firm of Winged Monkeys and Associates, who had recently represented Ms. West-South-West in a patent-infringment case regarding some exotic shoes. “There should have been better warning about possible exposure to water.” Mr. Lodeon indicated that the law firm is considering a lawsuit to force the park to post a sign explicitly stating that riders may get wet.
Nicholas Claus, the manager of the Five Pennants park, acknowledged the tragedy but dismissed the complaint. “It’s a flume ride,” he said. “There’s obviously water involved when you get on. People expect to get at least a little wet. In fact most would be disappointed if they didn’t.” He declined to comment further on the possiblity of litigation.
When asked about the possibility of repatriating Ms. West-South-West’s remains, a spokesman for the police department replied that they were looking to do so as soon as possible and were relying on the National Weather Service to let them know when an opportunity would present itself.