Athens—The Ancient Greek Environmental Defense Administration (AGEnDA) today reported that it had levied a fine against Hercules for environmental violations related to his attempts to clean the stables of Augeas, the king of Elis and former Argonaut. Hercules had taken on this job as part of a twelve-step program to reclaim his honor.
In order to clean the stables, AGEnDA claims Hercules diverted two rivers to flow through the stables, thereby removing several years’ worth of agricultural waste.
“We’re talking about major environmental impacts here,” said an AGEnDA representative who asked not to be named out of fear of retribution. “Even if such waterway diversions were permissible, we have found no evidence that Hercules even attempted to consult with us, or with the Corps of Engineers, which has jurisdiction over inland waterways. And don’t even get me started on the issue of degradation of downstream water quality.”
When asked to comment on his failure to obtain the appropriate environmental clearances, Hercules said, “Now that would have been a Herculean effort.”
In a related action, Augeas himself was cited for inhumane treatment of animals for keeping his livestock in unsanitary conditions. Augeas was unavailable for comment, having been murdered by Hercules in a quarrel over payment for services rendered.
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